hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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