Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the raccoons are back...
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