I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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