Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
