What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
