just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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