she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
