She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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