but the lizard people decide everything anyway
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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