I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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