we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
