just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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