I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
