i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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