Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
they need to just BURY HIM!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
