the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
