the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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