3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
