he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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