You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
