her vagine was all disorganized.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
