11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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