my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize