Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
