dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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