is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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