booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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