12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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