google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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