dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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