I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
