Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
