How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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