I think i sorta joined a cult last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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