Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
