So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
