I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
