I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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