I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
