I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
