the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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