life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
