I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
