I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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