I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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