Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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