it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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