I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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