Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
