that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Shame - the story of my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
