Please don't use social media to get back at me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
