textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
