I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
