I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
