; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
