He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
