My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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