Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
