I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
