That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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