i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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