Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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