I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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