i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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