Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its about making memories worth repressing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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