Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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